tightly wound

My body actually feels physically unwell because of the stress. My skin is a thin sheet of glass that is stretched around my bones, and any moment now, it will shatter.

It's terrible because the smallest thing makes me feel like I am going to have a colossal meltdown and Lord knows I can't continue to function like this for the next few months. It will handicap my mind.

I am often moody and irritable with k. and i don't know if it's because a) he's being dumb and wrong, b) i'm nervous about getting married, or c) i'm stressed. probably (c) or (b) but i sometimes try to make it about (a). poor k. poor me.


My lumpy bag of bones:

Bar prep study
Wedding planning
Apt/house hunting
Job hunting
Student Loans
Wisdom tooth/infection fiasco
Budgeting and finances

i am done with law school.

[i would write in this thing a whole lot more if I didn't have to log out of my normal gmail account to sign into my near-obsolete account to get here. peeve. ]


Rusty the bear loves the snow. I think I would probably love the snow as much as he does if I had his fur and his hopping abilities. K. and i talked about getting water-proof gear to help us romp around with the bear. We also talked about using the bear's fur to make ourselves a coat.

Sometimes I am convinced that this life right now is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Other times, I'm equally convinced that I'm supposed to be doing something else. Thankfully, the positive conviction about my current life is the majority. But there is always an itch. I'm not sure if living out the possibilities of different lives in my head motivates me or depresses me. Maybe both.

Sometimes, I feel at utter peace. This means happiness, confidence, and gratitude. But these days, even the moments of peace kind of creep me out.


I wish I could be in multiple places at once.

happy halloween?

sometimes i feel like someone else must be living my life, because surely, it wasn't me that just lived through the entire month of october and now facing november? how was it halloween already and now we're talking about thanksgiving? what's going on?

i didn't feel like dressing up at all, so i went out and got a huge bowl and appropriately sized candy. i told myself that i'd pass off my participation this year by staying at home and passing out candy to the miniature superheros and scaries of the neighborhood. but we got home too late that day and missed all the kids, so now there is an big orange bowl of halloween candy sitting there without proper debut.

then i saw pictures of all the people dressed up and found it kind of annoying. i'm apparently just not in the right mindset this year.

to be fair to myself, i properly did a fall activity. i dragged boyfriend and company up a mountain to pick apples. 35 dollars worth of apples, to be clear. then i thought of different things i could make and bake with the apples. i realized that this may mark the cross over from need-to-dress-up-and-party attitude to the domesticated betty who makes apple crisp from scratch at home. and i kind of liked it. (what's going on?) let's see how this plays out for the other upcoming holidays.

the real key is to remain LOW KEY

for your personal stress-relief, i want to share an awesome website:

http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/popnow.shtml

the virtual bubble wrap!
i love it, but it just makes me want more of the real thing.

inspirational eye candy

I imagine that this is the kind of furniture that could actually make one feel like an entirely different person just by laying in it. i love looking at this.


nicholas kirkwood's shoes are like perfect pieces of sculpture. i can't ever imagine wearing these shoes, but looking at them makes me think harder about the concept of juxtaposition than most other art pieces that purport to do the same.






Calvin Klein's USB sunglasses: nifty!

there is nothing in me right now that will let me finish these apps

so i will share a picture, instead.


While k. was concentrating on his school work, i tied his hair with my hair-tie and took this picture. He was oblivious the entire time, but notice my happiness. i am obviously very pleased with myself.

i will whisper this under my breath, so you can pretend you cannot hear:

the old demons are coming back.


1. I hate when people ask me, "How's school going?" I don't hate the person, I just hate the question.
2. When someone asks me, "How are you?", i don't mind. But i especially like it when the emphasis is on the 'are'. As in, "How ARE you?"
3. Sincerity is important to me.


I'm learning a lot about myself these days. This is the moment when the shit hits the fan...for eight months. Shit on the fan for eight months is way too long, in my opinion. I feel sorry for the boyfriend. But at least i'm being forced to redefine and evaluate my goals and values. Right? At the least?

I'm sure its the general case that things get more and more difficult as we get older. So it makes sense that this phase right now is by far, the most stressful. I just hope I don't do anything too crazy in the meanwhile. My sanity always hangs by a thin thin strand.

Trying to balance the prospect of graduating, my grades, clinics, bar exam, barbri classes, and trying to find a job, and trying to figure out what i want to do with this degree that i worked so hard and paid so much money for, ...is hard.